The Sexual Addiction Cycle
From Wikipedia - Sexual Addiction
According Patrick Carnes (”Out of the Shadows”) - the cycle begins with the “Core Beliefs” that sex addicts hold:
“No one would love me as I am.”
“My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend on others.”
“Sex is my most important need.”
Pain agent - First a pain agent is triggered / emotional discomfort (e.g. shame, anger, unresolved conflict) Sex addict is not able to take care of the pain agent in a healthy way.
Disassociation - Prior to acting out sexually, the sex addict goes through a period of mental preoccupation or obsession. Sex addict begins to disassociate (moves away from his feelings). A separation begins to take place between his mind and his emotional self.
Altered state of consciousness - Sex addict is disconnected from his emotions and he becomes pre-occupied with acting out behaviours. The reality becomes blocked out/distorted.
Preoccupation or obsessing about being sexual - Fantasy becomes an obsession that serves in some way to avoid life. The addict’s thoughts become focused on reaching a mood-altering high without actually acting-out sexually. He thinks about sex to produce a trance-like state of arousal in order to fully eliminate feelings of the current pain of reality. Thinking about sex and planning out how to reach orgasm can continue for minutes or hours before moving into the next stage of the cycle.
Ritualization or “acting out” - These obsessions are intensified through the use of ritualization or acting out. A sex addict first cruises and then goes to a strip show to heighten his arousal until he is beyond the point of saying no. Ritualization helps to put distance between reality and sexual obsession. Rituals are a way to induce trance and further separate oneself from reality. Once the addict has begun his ritual, the chances of stopping that cycle diminish greatly. He is giving into the pull of the compelling sex act.
Sexual compulsivity -The next phase of the cycle is sexual compulsivity or “sex act”. The tensions that the addict feels are reduced by acting on their sexual feelings. They feel better for the moment, thanks to the release that occurs. Compulsivity simply means that addicts regularly get to the point where sex becomes inevitable, no matter what the circumstances or the consequences. The compulsive act, which normally ends in orgasm, is perhaps the starkest reminder of the degradation involved in the addiction as the person realizes that he has become nothing more than a slave to the addiction.
Despair - Almost immediately reality sets in and the Addict begins to feel ashamed. Like a dog, he has returned to his vomit. This point of the cycle is a painful place where the Addict has been many, many times. The last time the Addict was at this low point, they probably promised to never do it again. Yet once again, they act out and that leads to despair. He has betrayed God, possibly a wife, and his own sense of integrity. At a superficial level, the addict hopes that this will be the last battle.
For many addicts, this dark emotion brings on depression and feelings of hopelessness. One easy way to cure feelings of despair is to start obsessing all over again. The cycle then perpetuates itself (Carnes, “Facing the Shadow” 2006).
All text is available under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License.
Wikipedia® is a registered trademark of the Wikimedia Foundation, Inc.